Arsenal has done the double against Man U. Wef is very upset. First, he is obviously upset because Man U lost. Losing to Arsenal was something that we can never accept. Second, he is upset because we cannot watch the match and because of that, Wef blamed me. He thought our Astro’s decoder is faulty. The truth is I failed to pay the subscription’s fee. The service is disconnected. Soon, even my broadband will suffered the same fate. That is life.

In fact, this is the scenario of an average Malaysian.

In February 2005, I received the offer to make a movie. An offer I cannot refuse. I put all effort into the movie. While waiting for my movie to be screen nationwide, I was offered to make two films. One of it is an international project with Jackie Chan as one of the cast. The producer who is an Indian national trying to get Malaysian PR even calls a press conference. My picture was splash all over the Chinese and English newspaper beside the picture of Jackie Chan. That was 14 months ago, and I yet to see Jackie Chan neither do Jackie knows I exist. All my four months of preparation as the kuli batak to the producer left unappreciated. I was not paid a single cent.

At the same time, I was offered a movie by a giant. After pitching and meeting, after boxes of Marlboros and liters of teh tarik, after draft and redraft, they said okay. However, after my movie flop miserably in the cinema, I received a simple phone call to inform me that they are pulling out. Again, another four months of hard work goes unappreciated and I was left without a single cent. That is life.

Along the way, I lost everything I have earned for the last twelve years. Well that is life.

Then came the legal issues. I was told to fight the case. I was told that if I was instructed to run a marathon and followed the instruction, those who instructed me could not just simply ask me to stop half way. I choose not. Justice is for those who have plenty. Not for faqir like me.

I was left with only one choice, which is to go back and do TV. I hate doing TV. I have been doing TV for more than ten years. I wanted to do things that I sincerely want to do. I was left staring at the twin towers every night. Even Marlboro is considered Havana Cigars. Obviously, I cannot afford it anymore.

Few offers came for TV. I turned down. I became depressed and demoralized. I turned to God but even God, seems to turn away. Guli was due for his kindergarden, but I have to postponed it. I am lost. I am useless. I am disaster.

Debt collector started to line up in front of my door, screaming and yelling. My kids are terrified. Lies upon lies I have to teach them.

I stumbled upon an article about Ang Lee, who at that time just won an Academy Award. Reading his sad episode in life inspired me to carry on with my life while waiting for miracle to happen.

Miracle did happen. Mahathir attacked Badawi’s leadership. Mahathir declared the current government as half past six with no guts and Mahathir throws all sort of criticism. I was stunned. I felt as though I was call upon by Mahathir to defend my country. This life is no more about me. No more about my dream. No more about my future. My Camelot has crumbled. Period. I have accepted the facts.

This is now about the future generation. This about Al, Wef, Guli and Meqna. I have enjoyed my life. Now it is about giving what is due to them. As a result, I come across RPK, Rocky’s Bru and Jeff Ooi. Generasi M, A. Kadir Jasin and Gerbang Ruhani. Few days later, I started my own blog.

My blog has taken me to where I have never been before. My blog has taught me to express myself and as a result, I gained my self-confidence. I learned the meaning of being a free man. I have learned how to fight again, a skill which I have left behind when I got married 11 years ago. The skill, which I dumped for the sake of settling down.

Soon, I venture into the world and searching for the money to feed my kids. God has answered my prayers. He has given me a dream job and this dream job is actually not the job I have dreamt all those years. I enjoyed every seconds on it. I have more time with my kids and I have plenty to blog as well.

Blogging is the miracle. Nevertheless, some say I should start to worry. Blogging can be my downfall again. I might lose my job because of this blog. This advice came now when I am still struggling to meet all the bills.

That is life.

Nevertheless, the question is who cares? NSTP obviously does not cares, but bloggers like you and me, we care. Therefore, who cares!