Sheih on Sheih: Persona Non Grata years, The Beginning of The End

I have heard somewhere, someone said; partnership is a ship you might not want to jump into. I have jumped onto that ship after my Robin Hood days in Ten On Ten. Those we the most wonderful period of my life as a scriptwriter, director and producer. It was so wonderful that I am willing to forget how traumatic it is when the ship sunk.

During on board of that ship, I was given the opportunity to meet and work with my best buddies in the industry. With Eman Manan, Idris Diah, Zaidi Omar, Radhi Khalid, Arwah Loloq, Mustapha Mahidin, Dr. Samat Salleh, Deanna Yusuf and Kaza and with Eddy, the captain of the ship, we sailed through some of the pinnacle of our creative escapism. We did Nick Hardware dan Muthu Schumacher, Earl Grey dan Kopi Kampung, Kelab Kopi Kampung, Diari, Kuartet Merdeka and few seasons of Sensasi Auto.

It was almost paradise. Yes almost, if not because of those typical mistakes that we human were born with.

The praised and the attention given to us were actually the beginning of the end. We saw the tip of the iceberg and we taught we could safely sailed there to stick our flag and not remembering deep below, disaster is waiting.

I fumbled in my marriage. But obviously not because of other woman. We both were climbing our own stairs. We both were drowning with attention to a point we hardly have time to enjoy private moments. In fact, quality time with family will be the kids with me or the kids with her.

When she took her break, I shall be shooting somewhere. When my turn to take a break, I will always accidentally took it during the time when she is shooting elsewhere. When she was hospitalised, I would rushed the doctor to discharge her so I can go away for my filming. When I was wheeled to the operation theatre, she was busy driving through the traffic to meet her assignment.

And, when we actually have time together, it shall be me or her rushing out to avoid further argument. We hurt each other so much that we hardly recognise the marriage due to the broad spectrum of bruises.

At the end, in favour of keeping things intact, we made a gigantic mistake when we decided for her to leave her job and as though it was written in fate, almost at the same time, the ship I’m on; hit the bottom of the iceberg.

Next we know, we found ourselves selling kerabu mangga and jelly at Pasar Ramadhan, while I am trying to salvage whatever I can from the sinking ship. Strained building up in my relationship with Eddy, my business partner and soon, we had to the abandon the ship.
I ended meeting more familiar faces in Pasar Borong Selayang than those in the industry.

Soon, Ramadhan left us and we are back living on our saving. Luckily my other half was called back to join TV3, while I did my soul-searching in Masjid Wilayah from Zhohor to Isyak. It was during those period that I beginning to lose faith in myself being in the industry. I look back at those who survived the industry and asked myself, why do many of them are reduced to begging for a lifeline at the end of their life? Where did it gone wrong? Is there a written agreement somewhere between those lines of those hundreds of contract that we signed which said, live rich die poor? Or, is this what God has for us?

During those soul-searching periods, I browse through archives list of those who had made it big during their years under the limelight but reduced to becoming nothing but beggars in the newspaper at the end of their lives. Without wanting to mention their names, I can just say, I can easily throw 100 names and halves of it was during my years in the industry. Do I want my grandchildren to cry for me in the newspaper thirty years from now? If I were still having the chance to make a different, I would rather try.

Nevertheless, life is like living in the absurdum of Waiting For Godot. I keep telling myself, it is time to go, but I am still here.

On the 2nd of February 2005, my former producer whom I held such a high regards and considered her always as my godmother, called me, “Zidi, Kak Ani nak Zidi buat feature film untuk Nizarman”. I have been waiting for that sentence to come from her since 1994, and suddenly she actually utter it to me. How would I say no?

I am not going to say no. Am I waiting for Godot? I did not say no. I accepted the offer and continued to live as one of those tramps in Waiting For Godot! But Godot never came till the end. Who to blame?

Sheih on Sheih: Persona Non Grata years

BEN
I going back after I make big money.
SIRI
Why Money? Wanna Bribe you way to freedom.
BEN
No. I’m going to fight for justice.
SIRI
Man… You still believe in justice? Am I drunk already?
BEN
You can do the same. We make big buck. You go back to Singapore, get a lawyer to fight your case. You said you are innocent… Justice is yours.
SIRI
No… Justice only for those who have plenty…

(Excerpt from Persona Non Grata)

Person not wanted? Yes. That is how I always consider my accidental venture into the film industry.

When I join Universiti Sains Malaysia in 1990, my aim was to major in Journalism and to minor in Political Science. Those days, I used to have lots of hair on my head and I only cut it once a year when I have to meet my father. Eventually those hairs, which I foolishly thought would last forever, took the better of me.

USM those days used to have a very strict regulations and one of it was in regards of the hair. You will not able to enter the library without passing the security personnel who will make sure you obey all the rules and regulations. As the director of Security is my good buddy whom I held so much respect, I choose not to be sent to him again and again for advice. Due to the nature of the discipline in Journalism and Political Science, which requires me to spend much time in the library, I decided to look elsewhere which brought me to a person that until today is so special to me.

His name is Muhammad Hatta, thirty-something and just arrived back from Chicago with Master of Fine Arts. This former producer from National Film Board and began his academic career in USM in 1990 attracted me to the film world. He is a hell of an experimental persona whom until today I considered as my blood brother. His laid-back attitude and the time we spent talking about all sort of things under the cherry tree in front of the Communication’s school convinced me that I want to be just like him.

Since than, I took filmmaking religiously. I scored straight A for all my film subjects. I spent more times sleeping in the film studio compared to my dorm. Film have given me everything even a wife.

In 1993, film brought me out of the country to Tokyo when my student work was selected as the best 20 pieces out of 169 participations from all over the world. For a kampong boy from Pondok Panchor and a former driver for ‘Gemullah Tok Wakil Pengkalan Chepa’, this was a monumental personal success.

I remembered when Hatta came to my tutorial class and told me that “Karamnya Bahtera Merdeka a.k.a The Cries of an Independent Child” has achieved what deem impossible amongst the local varsity those days, we hugged each other and I screamed in front of my hostel, Desa Fajar; “Tokyo Here I come!!!”

When I finished my movie Persona Non Grata in 2006, I choose to have it premiered in USM. Persona Non Grata was first screened to public in the same hall that I shot “Karamnya Bahtera Merdeka” and among the hundreds who were there were Associate Professor Muhammad Hatta, Tuan Nor Rizan Khalid the still Director of Security and my mentor retired Professor R. Karthigesu. Those were the three persons most responsible in guided my way into the real world. Unfortunately, these three are the best of persons and they taught me all the best and lovely things in life. But the real life outside the gate of Minden, is not that lovely.

Deep inside me, I kept it to myself that by having screened Persona Non Grata and viewed by them during the same lifetime, mean that I have completed my cycle of my own world of film venture. I can now leave the industry without any regret. I may now venture into searching the Utopia.

Utopia, where I can clean myself and wash all my sins away. I never shared this ever with anyone not even my wife, because that night, after the premier, she whispered to me, “I’m proud of you”. She may want me to carry on with it. But my heart is no more there. It is just happened like that, however I just cannot find a reason to justify it. Though I knew, when I was hit by the economic misfortune in 1998, I have missed the train.

Nevertheless, I cannot hide it from God. Immediately my life was thrown into such an agony, mentally and financially. Everything that I venture into within the industry and the entire offer that I received never materialise. For once, I actually lost everything I had owned during those 14 years in the industry.

As I always said before, God works in such a mysterious way and He did it once more. If 1998 was the lowest point in my life, this time around, it is much deeper than it. Basically, I was physically grounded for an entire 8 months. It was so surreal that you just wake up one morning and realised that you have lost those passions that keeps on burning all those years.

Someone, many years before once hold my palm and said, one day you will go away, far away to work, you will meet a Minister and your life will climb to its peak never to fall down again. The Almighty is Great! Yes, I never doubted it.

I thought when I shot my movie in Bangkok that is the faraway land. However, here I am, deeper than the shit-hole. I am totally confused. Out of the confusion, I took up blogging. I knew that I do not have the strength any more. I knew that this time around even my marriage might crumble for it has been surviving on borrowed time. What had hit me had made it difficult for all and it seems to hurt them the most. I have betrayed the trust of everybody who had kept such a high hope on me. Now, I have left with nothing to offer to them anymore accept for the much abused, thank you and I am sorry.

I started Kickdefella somewhere in July 2006 to kick myself. I alienated myself and live in my own cyber world. Then suddenly, someone posted a comment and with that comment, he brought me out of my alienation. He gave me hope and made me felt wanted. That made me realised that I can still make a different in this world and I still have in me something to offer. I might have missed the train to fame but I still had with me a valid ticket to board another train to Utopia.

With that, I strived to keep my end of the bargain. I apply for all sorts of jobs that available online as long as it had nothing to do with directing or writing script and one day, I got the offer not to direct or to write but to teach film.

I joined UTAR in October 2006 and live a double personality. I again took my new career religiously, as I believed that I have found my Utopia, only to be disturbed when Bro Bakaq of Penarik Beca cycled into my life slowly but surely.

One night, over telephone conversation with the famed Penarik Beca, he shoot me a jackpot question, “Awat hang tak join PAS?”

I never answered that question until today, but that particular night, over Marlboro on my end and Gudang Garam on Bakaq’s end, I did say this, “Orang PAS cuma sorang aje yang aku teringin nak jumpa, Husam. Teringin benar aku nak jumpa dia”.

“Hang nak nomboq dia aku bagi”, “Isss, hang ni, takkan aku nak call dia, dia sapa, aku sapa…”, “Takpa, aku bagi nomboq hang kat dia, boleh?”. Bakaq suddenly eagerly ends our telephone conversation immediately.

The next day, while I am about to leave the staff room for my Friday afternoon break, my mobile rang. It was an unfamiliar number. As I was still in a lot of debts, it worried me to answer all those unfamiliar numbers. Nevertheless, I did answer that call.

“Husam sini!” That was his word. Yes, I was bloody damn shocked. It was YB. Dato’ Paduka Haji Husam Musa at the other end of the line. Surreal but real!

Ku Li First Blood

Catch Ku Li’s in action in front of 3,000 supporters in Balai Islam, Lundang, Kota Bharu Kelantan here.

Sheih on Sheih: Tales of a Househusband pt3

“Life in show business is like falling in love, it is full of surprises and you constantly get fucked!”

The lady Executive Producer from India seated in front of me. She was holding two videotapes of my previous work, which a buddy of mine, a very talented composer, Airil sent to them 8 months ago.

After exchanging few greetings, we engaged into more serious conversation,

“Azidi, I like your work very much, but I have to be frank with you, what we are doing here is not your cup of tea”. I just smile, I am so used to this line lately.

“You are recommended by everyone I have known here. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to produce your kind of work, but under the current situation, we have to produce what we can sell….”

When she kept on rephrasing herself, I knew it is time for me to say something.

“Fadzilla, I haven’t been doing anything for a year now. It is very important for me to do whatever there is, beggar cannot be chooser”. I just gave her my best bargaining line. No pride no ego. I want to work and I wanted her to know about it.

“We have 156 episodes of Soap Opera, would you be interested to do it?”. Then she started to open up.

Soap Opera? Nobody would dare to offer that kind of shit to me before. They know I would felt insulted.

“Yes, No problem, would love to”, I said much to her surprise. 

“But it is a combination of outdoor and studio shoot, the studio shoot will be multi camera”, she must had her own doubt about me.

“I am a fast learner”, I have never doubt my ability although for a recognise director, multi camera works might sound as an insult.

“Okay than, how much would you ask?”, by then I know this sort of opportunity will never come in the next one year.

“What’s your budget?” I asked.

“321 ringgit per episode”. I stood up, shook her hand and accept the deal right then without a single complaint. It came to my knowledge later that the two other co-directors had rejected the fee and request for a much higher fee according to the market price. Nevertheless, when I have accepted it, they were left with no other choice but either to accept it or to let it go.

For the next one year, I have made my living surrounded by people that prior to this point of my life, I would consider as bimbos, ‘muka papan’, ‘batang pisang’ etc. I swallowed my pride but honestly, it is an easy task because there is not much pride left in me.

Working in a soap production is a turning point in my career. It prove to be important in years to come as it is a huge production with the involvement of more that 100 creative peoples.

The first thing I did when I cut the deal was to call the finance company and told them that I am surrendering the car immediately. I told my wife that we would not able to continue from where it stops before. We have to start all over again. We remain at my in law’s place while trying to share the household expenses.

When I took the job, my wife was two months into her pregnancy of our second child. We made a promise, which we gladly kept until today that the children will always be, our priority especially in financial matters. During my year long in the soap opera business, I utilised only a third of my remuneration while the rest goes into our saving. We do not have car, we do not have debt, we do not own anything accept for the family that god bless us with.

Once the contract over, we are back to living on our saving, but was fortunate that due to my contacts with those who involved in the soap production, every time our saving was about to run dry, someone would call me and gave me a good project that keep us alive for the next few months until I was offered a lucrative deal as the Head of Creative Department in Ten on Ten Pictures, thanks to my wife’s good friend whom today is a well known senior person in Astro.

During the time at Ten On Ten, we managed to rebuild our live and move forward with it. We rent a place in Menara Duta, a lavish duplex unit in one hell of a good deal. A place which we stayed until I made my move to Kelantan, last year.

The one-year I spent at Ten On Ten was considered by me a payback time. I contacted back those lost friends and try to fix something for them. It was during that period I team up again with Eman Manan, Zaidi Omar, Eddy and those who once played an important role in my career. I used my position to open the door to lots of directors and scriptwriters and bring them back to the industry. A controversial moves which at the end of the day cost me my job.

It is always sad to lose such a lucrative pay but I always consoled myself by saying the pay is not worth the ‘kipas bontot’ attitude which the former CEO of NTV7 and the owner of the station expected from me. Although until today, I would say that I still missed the salary, one thing for sure I wouldn’t miss are the politicking and those entire ass kissers in Encorp, Ten On Ten and NTV7.

When Ten On Ten choose not to renew my contract at the eleventh hour, it actually open the door for me to spent the most happening 3 years of my life in the business and also what I shall describe as the most creative moment for me.

But just as before, all the good things will meet it ends and I never thought when Mahathir step down in 2004, it also marked the darkest period of my life which is worst than anything I have face before that prompted me to leave the film industry once and for all.

(Next, living a Persona-Non-Grata life)

Sheih on Sheih: Tales of a Househusband pt2

My Camelot has crumbled. 1998 was the year that almost inexistent in my life and it has affected almost everybody I knew in the industry. It is almost absurd to focus myself into writing anything at all. However, I still remember my brother Eman Manan’s wishful words one night somewhere in December 1997.

“Di dalam zaman kesusahan, akan lahir karya dan karyawan besar”. Yes, based on history, it is true what he said. Promoedya Anantatoer written his Keluarga Gerilya during his worst moments in life and so did all the local National Laureate. Even today, we still read about it, about how J.K. Rowling wrote her first of the Harry Porter success during the worst moment of her life. But there I am, trying to consult myself and appealed to my mind to come with some sort of idea to kick-start my life again. But the message I got was, due to the current economic situation, the light at the end of the tunnel is shut down until further notice. So, I was left hanging there, staring at the pitch black tomorrow.

As my saving already dried out, I was left appreciating the welfare services provided by my in-laws. My father-in-law would slip twenty ringgit somewhere and once he reaches the office, he would call my wife and told her to ask me to use the money for my lunch and my cigarette. He would drive back to Johore every Friday, so we have the place and the privacy to ourselves.

As everyday pass by, I started to becoming more and more sensitive. The feeling of insecurity demoralised you to a level of not even leaving you with any guts to look at people in the eyes anymore.

I tried my best to keep the housework to myself. At least that is what is left for me to do. Laundry, cooking, gardening, sweeping and mopping the house are those things that kept me going.

One evening, a simple sarcasm from my wife cause so much damage to my already bruised pride that I left the house. After five hours of non-stop walking around Petaling Jaya, I came to realise that I actually have nowhere to go. I tried to run away but where? I have no friends left in town. I have no money to even buy a bus ticket to go to my sister’s place. Even if I have the money, I wouldn’t do that. I would not leave my son. I did promise myself long time ago that I will always be there for my kids. I will not abandon them and let them grow up not knowing how to love me.

It is so difficult to learn that you only have yourself to blame. As reality strike my consciousness. I pace my way home while confronting myself, I told myself, “You have no pride. You are an idiot. You are nothing but a useless bugger. You cannot even pay for you child’s milk and you cannot even provide a shelter for your family. You live on the mercy of your wife and her family. Go back home and be what you are, an idiot”.
The next day, I tried to hide my tears from my two years old kid. I covered my face with my hand. He thought I am playing peek-a-boo with him and removed my hand from my face, “Cak Aaa”, he said. I grabbed him and hugged him tightly. I made my promise to him. “One day, Abah shall come out of this and Abah hopes it will be soon so you will not have the luxury of remembering it”.

I draft a plan of my own, I planned to do some odd jobs but again, I realised that under that circumstances, staying at home and be a full-time househusband was the most economically correct for me to do at that time. Whatever job I take, will mean I have to send my son to childcare centre which was much costly and will not be worth the payment I might get from the job.

It was exactly a year before I finally received the call I have been waiting all the while. I grabbed the job without even asked for a single cent more than what being offered to me. A job that I will surely turn down prior to this period in my life.

Sheih on Sheih: Tales of A Househusband

“Life is like the flag of India”. A friend pronounced to me in early 2000 when I get him a job at a television station. Many years prior to that moment, he was the one who committed himself in promoting my artistic talent so I can cater to my family needs. 

Indeed, life replicates those wheels and it keep on rotating. Sometimes we were up and the next second, down we go. I started to believe that everymen would have to face this at least once in their lifetime. Some men will be fortunate or unfortunate to have their wheels revolving faster than any other men. So they will face more ups and downs. 

When you are up, you convince yourself to do lots of stupid things on the premise that you deserve it, and when you are down, life force you to be stupid in order to justify the hardship you are facing. 

Every dog has his day. I began mine in 1997. I left my permanent position in an established production house as Senior Director and Chief Script Editor at the age of 27 to dive into the life as a freelancer. Leaving behind a good salary, a beautiful apartment and whole lots of other perks because I wanted to be free. The decision was made a month into my marriage. 

I justified my move as passion. I want to do what I want to do and nobody, not even the TV station can dictate terms on me. I earn the respect from peers and producers look up at me as the raw species that are not into money. 

But it is all lies. I earned three times more as a freelancer and I can afford to reject 5 to 10 offers a week just to focus on 1 or 2 works a month. In August 1997, my bank statement showed that for the month alone, I have collected RM50k. It was the time of year that I wrote “Perempuan Melayu Terakhir”. 

It was also the day when my wife came back and told me that the TV3’s Director of Operation has called her and asked about me. Yunus Said, whom until today I earned my utmost respect, asked my wife to persuade me to pay him a visit and I did. 

I can still remember the moment well. It was at the Penthouse floor of Sri Pentas. The security officer escorted me into his huge office where he was seated watching the 8pm news. 

As he turned down the volume of the TV set, Yunus break the ice by asking about the tie that I wore. We have few good jabs at each other before he asked me what would it take to bring me to join TV3 and to be specified, to be part of Grand Brilliance. I am not shock but reluctant. 

Yunus dug deeper into me and asked me about all the books that I read when I wrote the screenplay. Asking about the car that I drove, about the loans that I have committed myself into and what I wanted to do in future. 

I told him, I wanted to further my study and he immediately agreed to finance my study once I earn my confirmation if I join them. He gave me three days to think about the offer. 

Two days later, I received a call for another appointment with him. 

We met again and the first thing he told me was this, “I have the HR people waiting to prepare your appointment letter, so how much do you want?”. I looked at my wristwatch and it is 6.30pm. I knew I couldn’t keep the people waiting any longer. We went straight to business. An hour later, it was decided that they couldn’t afford my asking price, as I walked towards the exit, he stopped me and said this, “RM5k, that’s the highest we could offer you”. “I am sorry sir”. 

I left the room not knowing that that will be the best deal I can get in years to come. 

Few days later, the stock market tumbles, the devaluation of ringgit started. Producers stopped returning my call and all agreed future projects gone down the drain. The Malaysian film and video industry collapsed. 

Panic stricken, I called Yunus only to get the chance of leaving the message with his assistant. My message was, “Please let Mr. Yunus know that I agreed with his last offer”. They never call me back. 

Few days later, my wife told me that there are huge turmoil and power struggle in TV3. The PM has asked Yunus to leave. The purging of all Anwar’s men was in process. 

We ended living on our saving which last us almost six months. No more offers and no more friends. Every one I knew has either lost their jobs or deep in debt and facing marital problems. Some has return to their kampongs. 

Coming April 1998, it was decided that we could no more afford to pay for our house rental. I tried to persuade my wife to let me surrender our car because we already began to default our loan. She disagreed and it cost a lot of strain. I knew that only pride is what we have left. We sent our maid back to Indonesia on a one-way trip holiday but I guess she knew the problem we are facing. Who wouldn’t? I have been staying at home for almost 6 months now. 

Came May Day 1998, we packed our things and moved into my father-in-law’s place. As I stood in the empty hall, I told myself, my Camelot has crumbled and I am left with nothing but tears. While the nation put the blame on Georger Soros’s shoulders, I have only mine to weigh the burden.

I tried to take pride in my new position as househusband, but it is not easy at all. Everyday, having to watch your wife and your father-in-law went to work while you were there, holding the hand of your child while the kid waved goodbye to them diminished me to the lowest point in my life. I am at the most bottom of the revolving wheel and all the sudden, it seems like the wheel has now stop spinning. I’m doomed.

Hey Biggum

Just go and read what Biggum has to say. I had nothing to add. 

Maya Karin To Parliament

KJ better watch out. Maya has lay out her plan to be a YB. Ironically it is all thanks to the wild gossip about their so-called affairs. As a first step, yesterday evening Maya got her first crash course on the role of Member of Parliament from MP of Wangsa Maju, ‘Abe’ Wee Choo Keong.

All my previous get-together with Maya lasted less than half an hour as we indulged nothing further than just talking about Shuhaimi Baba to Majid Majidi, nevertheless, yesterday’s meeting lasted more than three hours and our discussion ranged from Khairy Jamaluddin to Tok Guru Nik Abdul Aziz and the future of reinventing the cinema in Kelantan.

When I posed to Maya about KJ, she has this to say, “I wish that more people are willing to openly ask me about it”.

Maya told me that when the gossip started in 2006, she do not even know who is KJ, because of that her answer was quite vague and more like, Khairy who? “If only it is as hot as before now, I will love to answer it properly”.

The incident however has turned Maya to be politically aware. Since than, she has put a lot of effort and interest into Malaysia’s politics. And yesterday, Maya surprised me with her aggressiveness in talking politics.

Maya even sketching a plan to go to Parliament to witness the Dewan Rakyat’s sitting. If this does happens, then all the interested politicians can queue up at the lobby to ask he about the hot gossips, which includes all sorts of nonsense. Then this matter can be put to rest and everybody can commence a new gossip.

As for now, YB bro Wee and me hopes Maya will take up our offer of joining us as Yang Berblog by opening he own blog.

Good luck girl!

Siti Nur Azreen has Returned

Siti Nur Azreen Has Landed

It was a very sad moment witnessing how Dato’ Husam of Kijang Care, Alex Ong of Migrant Care and father, Che Ishak Che Kob trying so hard to conceal the 13 years old girl from the harassment of the camera flash and the rest of onlookers. That is the reality.

The excitement of waiting and rejoicing the triumph of bringing back the girl which Malaysian Government never really care about suddenly change when the team sent by Kijang Care walked out of the terminal around 9pm last night.

Alex Ong of Migrant Care in the centre, Azreen and his father hidden behind Alex

The father, Che Ishak Che Kob embraced Husam tightly and cried. He kept on thanking Husam for the successful task while at the same time tried to hide his daughter. Then he started to plead to the members of the press to stop taking photos of Siti Azreen.

“Sudah banyak rintangan yang dia lalui, tolong, cukuplah, tolong…. Cukuplah (She has gone through too much, please have mercy on her, it’s enough)”, he politely appealed to the press.

The entourage than left the terminal to an undisclosed location. It is believed than Siti Azreen later was united with the rest of the family, which are waiting for her for almost four months.

On the 25th December 2007, Bernama reported that a 12 years old girl went missing after leaving her home at the workers’ quarters in Ladang Ulu sawah, Rantau, Negeri Sembilan.

Che Ishak lodged a missing person’s report at the Kuala Sawah police station when her daughter failed to return home. After losing hope with the police, he than appealed for help from the Menteri Besar of Negeri Sembilan and the public.

The plight of the father caught Husam’s attention. Husam than used his link to follow the lead which pointing at Azreen being taken out of the country by an Indonesian man. With the help of a friend, Alex Ong who is also one of Husam’s many advisers, they identified that the man are from a place called Lombok in Indonesia.

Husam then used his Kijang Care to form a team of four people including Alex who is with Migrant Care, which got vast networking in Indonesia and sent them to Lombok in search of Siti Nur Azreen. Husam reported the journey in his personal blog, Cetusan Hati.

“She is 13 years old, the post-traumatic period will be difficult for her. Please respect her privacy, that is what is best for her”, Husam appealed to the press.

In the press conference held at LCCT, Husam lashed out at the Malaysian Police which despite all the networking and intelligence machinery, yet failed to utilise it for the right purposes and in this case, solving the missing person case.

Husam also is very upset with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and the Embassy of Malaysia for not making it easy for them to bring back Azreen.

Kijang Care, a foundation which at this moment only has less than three thousands ringgit in its account has proved than if we put all our effort at the right place, we can solved what is deem unsolved by those authorities.

“Kijang Care is committed to rebuild Azreen’s life. She is my adopted daughter now and I will work hard to see that she will make it”, said Husam who has 7 children and all boys.

“Kijang Care is a small foundation, we do not have much, what we have are what being donated from friends and Malaysians, I received two thousand ringgit from a friend in Australia to help finance this mission, I thank those who have donated to Kijang Care, I cannot offer other than to promise that this will not be last case we solve, I am looking into a lot of other cases too, God willing, with the help of other Malaysians and with what ever strength I have, we will make it together”, Husam continues.

Husam also praised the press for their effort to highlight Azreen’s case but pleaded to them to now close the chapter and do not intrude into the girl’s privacy. “She is 13 years old, the post-traumatic period will be difficult for her. Please respect her privacy, that is what is best for her”.

What happens to her and why it happens to her is now history. It will not help her if we keep on talking about it.

Nevertheless, there is one thing that we should keep on talking about, which is about those who we gave the power and trust but failed to utilise it.

Siasah reported that Alex Ong said the authority queried him after he managed to locate Azreen in Lombok. They wanted to know why he worked so hard to support the effort of Vice President of PAS to solved this case, “Ini kes orang kecik (yang tak punya apa), kerajaan tidak peduli orang kecik, jadi kenapa khuatir jika ada yang mahu menolong? (This is the case of a nobody, the Government do not care about this, so what’s wrong if someone else wants to care?)”

Readers can find more information on Kijang Care at it’s website and also at husammusa.com.

Sheih on Sheih: Fast-Forward A Year Later

Photo courtesy of Jed Yoong

15^th April 2007, the day I started my service in Kelantan. I arrived back in Kelantan on the 14^th April 2007. My mum waited to have dinner with me. Bro Jasny of Unpublished Notes picked me up at the airport. 

In the morning of the 15^th April 2007, my mum arranged for a ‘prebet sapu’ to take me to the office. Husam was in KL but informed me that everything should be okay. 

Actually it was not quite okay. Immediately after I stepped into the office, I was told about the internal bickering and power struggle. I was told a plan has been put on the table to move me out of the office so I shall face less pressure. 

The first thing I do was to text someone in KL and the reply I got was “They call themselves an Islamic Government?” 

Later, I got a call from Saifuddin Nasution who politely introduced himself to me and apologise for not being in KB to help me around. Next thing, Brother Khir came and took me somewhere where he told me everything should be okay. 

My first day within the corridor of power in Kelantan was filled with variety of accusations from being a spy to being a munafiq. But I made a lot of friends to whom until today I am proud to get acquaintance with. 

My UMNO background was a huge liability. Before my courtesy visit to Tok Guru Nik Aziz, I was tutored on how to explain to Tok Guru if he asked me about my UMNO things. 

At the end, my courtesy visit to him happens in just 60 seconds. I walked in and kiss his hand and introduce myself, Tok Guru looked at me and asked, “Anak sapa ni?” 

“Anak Tuan Bidah, cucu Gemullah Tuan Long” I explained. “Ah sudah, kita ni waris” Said Tok Guru and he walked out of the room. The courtesy call ends. It is obvious when he sign the instruction appointment; it is not because somehow we are related. 

Tok Guru’s statement was a huge relieved to everybody around me. Later, in a meeting, I was introduced as ‘waris Tok Guru’, which help to reduce the pressure. 

As a film student, I am taught to do things with passion. I am taught to give 110% or not to do it at all. I uphold the discipline into my set and I learned to love those whom I am working with. 

I brought the same sentiment into my new venture. To serve and to love. 

And now after 1 year, I can only say, I love every moment of it. To all the readers of Kickdefella, thanks for the support. Thanks for being around during the ups and downs. We have made it through together. 

 

 

Tuanku Yang Bersama RakyatNya

“Sewajarnyalah semua rakyat bersatu dan tidak harus ada ungkit mengungkit mengenai hak dan keistimewaan orang Melayu” Tengku Mahkota Kelantan, Tengku Mohammad Faris Petra Ibni Sultan Ismail. 

“Ia adalah quid pro quo sebagai balasan kepada beri paksa kerakyatan kepada 2.7 juta kaum lain yang datang ke Persekutuan Tanah Melayu,” 

Sudah tiba masanya kita memandang serius tingkah laku kita yang kuat melenting tanpa melihat konteks dan sejarah peribadi seseorang dan medium titah dilafazkan. 

Adakah kita serupa pemuda UMNO yang menganggungkan kerisnya dan laungan retorik? 

DYMM Tengku Mohammad Faris Petra tidak perlu dipertahankan kerana kekuatan Tuanku adalah seluruh rakyatnya yang bersedia untuk mempertahankan baginda, termasuk Kickdefella. 

Mustahil titah Tuanku pincang kerana DYMM Tuanku berbicara soal fakta dan soal sejarah. Yang pincang mungkin pemahaman kita dan saluran maklumat disampaikan. 

Keikhlasan Tuanku jelas. Tujuan Tuanku bersuluh dan Nada Tuanku amat menyakinkan. Tuanku bukan boneka yang dijual beli. 

Tenyata Ke Bawah Duli Tuanku kesal dengan kemudaratan yang menimpa orang Melayu yang mana Raja-Raja Melayu adalah simbol keagunggannya, di dalam PRU12. 

Yang jelas lagi bersuluh, ianya adalah kekesalan terhadap bagaimana sebuah Parti seperti UMNO yang selama ini diletakkan amanah besar sebagai pembela nasib Melayu terpaksa diludah oleh sebilangan orang Melayu sendiri. 

UMNO menerusi pemimpin-pemimpin kininya telah meletakkan imej Melayu ke tahap negatif. Memang jelas, sebab nila setitik, rosak susu sebelangga. Dasar Ekonomi Baru yang sepatutnya membasmi kemiskinan dan menyusun semula masyarakat, di UMNOkan sehingga menimbulkan tidak puas hati di kalangan Rakyat Malaysia yang lainnya. 

Orang Melayu yang berada akan terus dicap sebagai Kroni UMNO kerana budaya yang di UMNOkan ke dalam imej Melayu. Sedang selama 50 tahun UMNO menjadi peneraju utama kerajaan Malaysia dan selama berpuluh tahun Perdana Menteri, Menteri Kewangan dan Menteri Pendidikan adalah dari darah daging Melayu, tetapi Melayu rata-rata masih berkecamuk. 

Sekali lagi amaran Tuanku jelas, jangan kerana nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga. Kepada rakyat Malaysia bukan Melayu, jangan kerana marahkan segelintir pemimpin UMNO, semua orang Melayu di pandang hina. Segelintir di dalam UMNO itu telah menjadi nyamuk menghisap darah dan membawa penyakit. Tapi kata orang Melayu dan pesan Tuanku, jangan marahkan nyamuk, kelambu di bakar. 

Kelambu itu adalah orang-orang Melayu. Kalau dibakar kelambu itu, apinya sudah pasti merebak ke segenap bilik. Apabila bilik itu terbakar, mampukah kita menyekatnya dari membakar keseluruh pelusuk rumah. 

Bersopan bila berkata-kata, cakap siang pandang-pandang. Cakap malam dengar-dengar. 

Mungkin Anwar Ibrahim dan Pakatan Rakyatnya boleh mengambil iktibar dari pesanan Tuanku. 

Kepada rakan saya rakyat Malaysia yang bukan Melayu, fahamilah, tidak semua Melayu menyimpan keris. Dan tidak semua yang memiliki keris menghunusnya sebagai lambang supremacy. Fahami sejarah sebelum berkata-kata. Janji kita hendaklah kita kota. Mempertahankan satu sama lain, melampaui batasan warna dan tutur kata adalah tanggungjawab kita Rakyat Malaysia. 

Sheih On Sheih: Tale of an Orphan

On the 2nd January 2007, I wrote this piece in this blog,

“…This reminds me of a-long-lost-friend-of-mine by the name of Yasin. He always wants to be the captain of our football club. However, physically Yasin is too small and fragile; he cannot make decision and always have to follow his father on holiday’s trip. Not to forget, he sleeps a lot too. Nevertheless, Jan 1, 1979, Yasin, the small kid took the kampong by storm. He managed to get hold of his father’s 1978 playmate’s calendar. He cut a hole just at the right place and shoves Miss December …. (to read more please click here)

Today let me continue the anecdote. After a while, everybody started to loose interest in football and as Yasin’s compilation beginning to depreciate, Yasin started to be marginalised again by everybody. Our team was in a state of total death.

Than came Jani, offered himself to captain the team. Without much hesitation, Yasin hand over the armband to Jani. Nobody given Jani any hope as nobody believed in the football team anymore. Jani has to start from scratch. Jani has been very patience dealing with the decaying team of horde of useless players.

It took Jani half a year to bring everybody back as a team and almost the same length to make it a winning team again. Jani wasted one year without collecting a single cents yet he has to save his own to get the team a new ball.

But after three straight wins against another team led by Meran Gajah of Bayu Bayam, our former import player, insubordination erupted within the team. Out of the blue, everybody seems interested to lead the team and to hold the team’s fund. Jani was put on trial for breach of trust. Accusations upon accusation were thrown upon Jani. I was supposed to stand by him because I am his deputy in the team, yet I choose to leave him to take it alone.

Jani left the team without ever play a single game with us again. Jani is an orphan, both his parents died before I had moved to the village. He was living with his grandma who taught us ‘mengaji Quran’. Soon after the episode, he left the village. In 1994, I got the news that he was found dead by the sidewalk in front of Bank Bumi in Wakaf Siku. I was told that he died of drug overdose.

Suddenly Jani’s tale started to haunt me again. I choose to return to Kelantan because I want to be close to my mum and to serve someone that I held high in respect and love. He gave me an assurance and I hold it close to my heart.

I hope he won’t do to me what I did to Jani although my fate seems to replicates his. Neither, will I survive power struggle because power never interest me, nor will I waste my time fighting those greedy jerks.

Oh, by the way, I did have an interesting telephone conversation with Sang Kelembai two days ago. Perhaps, another telephone conversation with him will do no harm.

Doh Svee Dah Nyah.